andy duncan
andy duncan
Oh Do Shut Up Andy
Thursday, 8 October 2009
Legendary Andy Duncan, swinger of this mighty boom
No lightweight this man of stature, his stomach fills any room
Standing there in all his glory, never think that he’s a dork
Not a quiet man our Andy, how the bugger loves to talk
Talking talking Andy Duncan, collecting money every week
Says he buys the Lottery Tickets, me I think his story’s weak
Saving for his own retirement, South America I guess
Does he buy the Lottery Tickets? I don’t think the answer is yes.
Charming charming Andy Duncan, says he sings with some old group
What a line to lure the ladies, just how low can Andy stoop?
Said his geriatric pop group would front up to trill us all
At the famous break up party such a liar with so much gall.
Breakfast time and Andy’s talking pills and tablets by the score
Says they keep him nice and healthy as he takes a couple more
Next he scoffs a mighty breakfast, gobbles it so he’s not late
Turn to me and tries to tell me, seriously he’s losing weight
Loves his fruit juice and his vegies, cereal and also grains
I delight in telling Andy all he’s losing are his brains.
Rolling like a living barrel, to the set to start the shoot
Poor old Andy’s lost the plot, he only does it for the loot
Stuffing money in his mattress wealthy Andy doesn’t spend
Never buys the crew a beer doesn’t borrow doesn’t lend.
Saving up to join the cult that is known as Heavens Gate
Andy’s off to join the aliens personally I cannot wait
As he boards the flying saucer he’ll be talking you can bet
Those poor aliens will wonder what the hell it is they’ve just met
Maybe on a distant planet there are people just like he
Compulsive talkers that collect for some fictitious lottery.
Now that I have slagged him off let me try to make amends
Andy really isn’t so bad tells me he has lots of friends
Funny though I’ve never met one though I say with my next breath
Andy may have lots of friends but I’ll lay odds that they are deaf.
Happy happy Andy Duncan full of pills and very jolly
Talking, chatting, never thinking to help Don to push the trolley
Always shoving in the mike trying to get sound that’s clean
Puts it in the shot again he’ll need vaseline
He’ll have to grease the microphone so that it will easily pass
His fundamental orifice when I shove it up ass.
Silly silly Andy Duncan said immortilise me in verse
Didn’t really think I’d do it but I have and what is worse
He will read these words and laugh think I’ve finished slagging him
But he’ll come to work tomorrow and I will begin again..........
by Keith Bryant - April 1997
Here’s a Poem written by Keith Bryant - Focus Puller, during the Filming of ABC TV series ‘Heartbreak High’ in 1997.
When I first read the Poem, I thought, “This could have been written yesterday”
Keith was happy for me to put it up here. If you know Andy, it’s quite funny.